I’m pretty sure it’s a coping mechanism, but I’ve begun thinking about how life might not be so bad without children. More vacations, more sleep, I get to keep my “pre-pregnancy” body forever, more savings, nicer things, the list goes on for quite a while. But then I hear a pregnancy announcement and get an electric pull from my left leg to my heart and know there’s something deeper that I’m avoiding.
Why, as women, do we have this urge to grow an alien inside us and then sacrifice our freedom to wait on it hand and foot? FOREVER! It’s a lifetime commitment. My husband says it’s our natural instinct to preserve our genetic material and produce a legacy for generations. But he’s a nerd and what does he know? It’s a stupid desire to want our own kids. There are thousands out there that already exist that need good homes, devoted parents, and security. Why do we personally and as a society neglect to internalize that and instead spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to create more polluting bodies?
Which brings me to my next point. Why the hell does God, if He exists, (because I’m at the point in my challenges to question this now more than ever), give some women children, just for a fun example say a 16-year-old who eventually becomes a junkie and produces ten kids with different fathers that get thrown into foster care and experience a lifetime of hardship, and make it nearly impossible for a stable couple with advanced degrees, a loving environment, and resources to ensure a good quality life? Explain that one to me. Please. I’ll wait.
I don’t have answers to any of these questions. And I’ll be flabbergasted to know if anyone does. But if you think you have some profound explanation, please share because I could use a bit of inspiration right now.
As a side note: In one of my pre-med classes at UCLA the professor posted two photos of embryos: a chicken and a baby. We had to guess which one was which and 90% of the class got it wrong. Like I said, alien.